In January it will be two years since we transitioned churches as a family. This is the longest time I have taken a break from serving in my local church. I've wrestled with feelings of guilt, shame, and even loss over this decision. Guilty that I didn't have the emotional capacity to give much of anything outside my home when we joined this church (I was very sick with 'morning sickness' and we had just left a church we were part of planting). At the beginning I felt some shame about having gifts or talents that could be used in the church I was attending, but I wasn't ready to engage-even though other friends were giving more and more. I also felt loss--because if you've ever been part of a church community you know that it can be truly beautiful to be part of a team and family culture within the church working and serving together. In all of these 'momentary feelings' I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what God wanted from me because He has confirmed it over and over again.
Is It Okay to Take a Sabbatical From Serving?
We, as ordinary humans, were created for work and rest. Rest is a gift from God--even though sometimes we don't choose to view it that way. We often think of rest as 'laziness.' That judgment of 'you're lazy if you're resting' also extends into the church. I know, because I've been the one to judge at times. I've had sinful pride at times in my life about how much I was giving and compared myself to those around me. For many years I was serving in children's ministry, women's ministry, and our leadership team, and I couldn't understand how a friend was at peace with doing nothing within the church--until now. Now I get it. I understand the value and meaningfulness behind a sabbatical season. It's absolutely OKAY to take a season of sabbatical rest from serving in the church, especially when the Lord tells you to. It's not a forever thing--because I refuse to buy in to the 'consumer church' mentality. The church, while it's much bigger than what happens between four walls on a Sunday morning, does require a lot of helping hands and moving parts. Honestly though, it's just one of the places that we can plug in and be a part of the body of Christ. Some with a more legalistic bent may have judged me these last two years, but mostly I've only heard great grace from others. We had a baby, my husband is working/traveling/schooling, and I have felt seen and valued for what I do and who I am outside of serving in the church. Maybe it's because people have low expectations of newcomers in their church, but I only felt welcoming spirits around me. It has been my own judgement and pride that I've had to wrestle with during the beginning of this season.
What Did I Learn While Taking A Break From Serving in the Church?
It's literally been two years since I've served in my local church home. God has used those two years to heal me from some church hurt, humble my heart to being a 'butt in the seats' instead of a voice of leadership, and challenged me to also 'sit' in my identity of Christ versus having my identity being in all that I can do for Him. I don't think I would have served very well when we joined this new church. I would have only been doing it for the wrong legalistic reasons. I was pretty tender those first six months, especially building new relationships and even reconnecting with people from our old church that now go to our new one. Tender and pregnant left me pretty vulnerable. Besides that, I really wrestled with not being known or involved. To this day most people don't know my capabilities at our new church--because the Lord has been clear that it's not time to share those and that I need to sit still. It's humbling, truly humbling to be called to "be still" when you're a "doer." It's also been humbling to see that I'm not really needed. God has leaders and servants everywhere, and He will meet the needs of His people and His Body THROUGH His Body, just this time I wasn't involved in this particular Body. God's got a ton of people in His Body to make things work! He needs me ALL IN with my life for Him, but that's much bigger than what happens seventy-five minutes during church service on a Sunday morning.
I Realized I Never Stopped Serving
While I wasn't leading a small group Bible study, running women's events, or teaching weekly in children's ministry, I was serving the Body of Christ outside the church building. My family is a mini church Body and they need me! If you think that ONLY serving your family isn't enough, read your Bible! I serve my family through managing our home and homeschooling, and God has blessed my little acts of service tenfold! I also never stopped serving our homeschool community. God has still used me to bring women together through events and gatherings to encourage and uplift them so that they might return to their homes with new fervor and energy to be godly wives, moms, and teachers. God has shown me that even though I didn't step foot inside a traditional "serving place" at our church that I never stopped serving our neighborhood and community. He's brought me mamas that needed encouragement, prayer, and guidance. He's used our home to bless others. He's started spiritual conversations with people that are seeking Him and want to talk to me because they see Christ in me. In a moment, it's absolutely CRAZY to think that I took a sabbatical from serving when I ponder all that God has done through me and our family these last two years. God even opened the door and confirmed the way for me to start a podcast--thus taking my influence from local spaces to worldwide the last few months. God's just shown me again and again that His Church is not among four walls and I need to stop limiting myself or judging myself by what I do inside the four walls that we refer to as "church."
Conclusion
When God asks you to do something it doesn't matter what others think, or even what you might feel. Trust Him. Completely. He is a Good Father and knows what's best for you. If you're doing what the Lord has asked you to do (and of course it is in line with His Word) then there is no place for guilt, shame, or comparison. There may be feelings of loss when you step into a season that is different from everyone around you, but those feelings are fleeting! The best place to be is where God has called you to! God's peace and affirmation you will experience when doing what He's asked you to do has no comparison.
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