Ouch.
That line stings a little bit.
I hadn't even heard of such a quote until earlier this year. "I am not a victim of my children." This seems obvious. But do I actually live like it?
All over social media I see complaints about children messing up their own clothes, their homes, their parent's sleep, their mother's workout time, their parent's plans, you name it. Do all of these things happen when having children? Yes, of course. They are joining into our family rhythm while trying to find their own. However, there's a difference between sharing a funny meme about parenthood --like the one I just made recently about which side of the car my kids park their bikes on (you can tell which side because of allllll the scratches!)--versus acting like a VICTIM of our children. Our society is out of control with the love of SELF. I, too, struggle with selfishness but I am prayerfully being daily being challenged, transformed, and shaped by my Creator. If you're a mom, your life is not your own--and what a priceless gift that is!
Motherhood is Death to Self
You already know this. From the moment that sweet baby or child was placed in your arms your life was no longer your own. What a gift to have such purpose. What a privilege to be able to lay down your life for a little blessing that needs you to sustain them. God has made YOU to meet their physical and emotional needs. Safety, rest, food, security, love, touch, you name it--it's our privilege as the mom to care for our children in this way. Nurturing often involves dying to self. The enemy has been winning the war on worship in our society, and even in the church. "You do what's best for you." "Put yourself first." It's the worship of self! This is a tiny twist on truth that in turn makes these statements sound wise, but also makes them not biblical. While it's not sinful to care for ourselves, and we should be doing so, it is sinful to view our children as THE disruption to OUR lives instead of the primary focus and assignment from the Lord.
I GET to wake up often to comfort a sweet teething baby.
I GET to become an expert on dyslexia so I can help my child.
I GET to stay up late after a long day so my child can share heavy burdens on their heart.
I GET to workout at home because the gym is not an option right now.
I GET to be interrupted 50 times during a workout to "work out" sibling conflict.
I GET to wash 20+ loads of laundry a week because I'm blessed to have a large family.
I GET to wipe these boogers for the hundredth time because who else will?
I GET to take a quick shower because baby needs to nurse again, right now.
I GET to teach and train the same concepts over and over again because I'm a mom.
I'm a mom.
I'm a mom.
I'm a mom.
I GET to be a mom.
I have failed at this "death" over and over again. (Literally have had to remind myself that my kids aren't the distraction WHILE writing this blog post this weekend! Lord, forgive me!) It's why I currently don't work outside of the home. I've struggled with being a workaholic in the past, even when I was newly married with no children. When I am working too much outside of the home, my focus and my heart shifts big time. I'm just "Megan." At first it's nice and freeing. But after awhile I start to become more and more focused on self and others outside my home. Then my family gets my leftovers. Ugh. This might not be true for you--and for that I am so thankful! Many moms are able to passionately disciple and care for their children while working full-time or serving at a different level than I currently do. However, that's not me. I know, for me, that I need to be firmly planted in my home with my children while my "branches" reach outside of my home to partake in different passions, gifts, talents, and even callings. My roots, however, are at home.
Our Children are our FIRST mission field.
Being a missionary to a foreign land might often seem more rewarding or meaningful than the simple everyday evangelism taking place in our home. Sure, I'd die to self so that an unreached people group across the ocean might come to know Jesus--but would I dare die to self so that the unreached little souls in my home might come to know Him? We've glorified, and almost idolized people going into missions having received such a call on their life. But what about these little souls pitter-pattering around my home? Who will care enough to unconditionally love, nurture, and minister to them? Are they not worthy of my full energy-time-effort-gifts-focus-commitment to be able to know the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ? Sometimes God may call you to do both. He called our family to a new city to help plant churches. Even in that missional call I learned the hard way that my first call is to care for my family, and there will be seasons in which my sole ministry is to my family. It didn't mean I stopped church planting, it just meant that I had to create healthy boundaries and work habits for that season to honor God through caring for the children He so graciously gifted me. This sounds self-focused and sinful, but God's Word is CLEAR on the role parents have to their children. When that parental role is put on the back burner because the "work of the church" is primary, our God-given priorities are out of whack. I refuse to neglect and sacrifice the spiritual needs of my children for the sake of evangelizing the lost.
Bloom where you're planted. Give yourself FULLY to the work of the Lord in your home. Protect those tiny little baby plants in your home. Be careful not to hand them over to just anyone to care for. It's not the school's job or church's job to disciple and nurture your children. It's yours. All those gifts that God gave you to use for His glory can be used IN and OUTSIDE of your home.
As an extrovert and evangelist I often questioned God with why He wanted me to stay at home. Couldn't I be more effective in loving people for Christ and ministering to women if my children were in public school? Couldn't we be a light for our community in the school system? God, wouldn't I have so much more time to meet and minister to women if my kids were at school all day? These are just a few of the questions I've had to ask. Let me tell you something though. God has opened my eyes to two things:
1. He can use us to minister to people in more ways than I thought-in fact, he's blown my mind with all that he can do through us and our homeschooling.
2. He's a generational God. Investing in my children how He's assigned me to do right now will have an impact for generations to come!
I am not missing out on important things. I'm doing the most important thing. Yes, I sometimes have to miss out on relationships, jobs, and events in this season. However, I'm not being victimized and isolated because of my kids. My kids aren't holding me back from doing more ministry. They are my first ministry. Do I have to say, "no" to way more these days? Yes. I say, "no" though because my kids are my "best yes." And it's temporary. Ask any mom that has launched their kids from home. It's such a fleeting time raising kids. Moms that have gone before never say, "I wish I would have worked more or done more ministry away from my kids." They almost always say that they wished they would have stressed less about the details and just soaked in this time with their children.
Conclusion
We are not victims of our children. We are moms. Constantly managing a home, training children in the saving grace of Jesus, and washing the same dishes every night until their little hands can help us wash them, is our call. When your heart is not inline with your heavenly Father, the gift of children may feel like an anchor weighing you down. When God opens your eyes to the true meaning of walking with Him through motherhood, you realize that children aren't an anchor, but rather God's grace lavished on you to help you learn to further look like love, by death to self.
Comments